Testimony

Who’s afraid of Yom Kippur? My devotional journey as a Wilderness Christian.

This devotional is a repost from last year’s Fall Feasts series. It gives both background on Yom Kippur and my personal relationship with “the Old Covenant.” This year during Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, and Sukkot I will be diving deeper into the Sabbatical calendar as a meta-narrative of the Bible. As Chuck Missler says, “for Jews their calendar is their catechism.” This fall I would like to attempt to use the Hebrew Calendar as an inspiration to look deeply at: the salvation plan, the gospel, the kingdom, the Trinity, and discipleship. Rosh Hashanah kicks off the Fall Feasts on September 29 this year. Please look forward to the 2019 Fall Feasts series entitled, “Salvation on our Heads, the Gospel on our Feet.”

I have been a little stumped on what to write about for Yom Kippur. My week got hijacked by a burning need to understand covenant theologies vs. dispensational theologies and all the “progressive” versions of those theologies in between.

It wasn’t a completely unrelated pursuit.

Christians are often curious about how the Old Testament figures into salvation by grace through faith. This definitely raises the question of why I would be interested in writing about the Fall Feasts as someone saved under the New Covenant of grace, not justified by the law?

To be fair, I am going to write about the liturgical holidays too. Perhaps I have more of a thing for calendars than I do Levitical law!—and a thing for celebrating as many holidays as possible!

I do have a pretty interesting background theologically that gives me a peculiar love for both the Old and New Covenants.

I was born into a Portuguese Catholic family that converted to Pentecostalism. Yes, conversion is the appropriate word, just for information’s sake, because evangelicals of all denominations believe in a personal conversion moment where one is born again in Christ, which Catholics absolutely do not.

From Pentecostalism, my mother lead the charge as we journeyed into Messianic teachings, then into the fundamentals of Calvary Chapel born from the Jesus Movement, then into a charismatic inner healing ministry with prosperity doctrines as incidentals, then I personally branched out as a teenager to attend a Presbyterian church where I was first exposed to post-modern mysticism and spiritual formation disciplines. I also spent a lot of time singing at a Lutheran church in high school with all the High Church formalities and completed my “theological confusion studies” at Azusa Pacific University which in 2004 was just flirting with ecumenical and inclusive theologies where I visited the seeker-sensitive and emergent meccas– Saddleback and Mosaic– albeit unimpressed. I was impressed by the Billy Graham crusade that I went to as a freshman in college— I only went because Jars of Clay was playing at it. Witnessing one of Graham’s crusades kept the revivalist ember alive somewhere in my soul.

I also got to see Francis Chan an abundance of times in Azusa’s compulsary chapels. In reality he may as well have been my pastor in terms of percentage of sermons I sat under in my college years.

So what does all this have to do with Yom Kippur? I don’t know, maybe nothing!

But, you know, I think it does. The theologies and pastors I have sat under really all come from a heritage of restorationism in one way or another. Restorationism is that old Puritan desire to return to the biblical basics of the church.

The Restoration movement could ultimately be pinned on Luther and it has taken a multitude of names over the centuries. Now we call it emerging…(not my favorite term.)

We all have a sinking feeling, and perhaps a sincere concern, that we have added so many costumes, preoccupations, and presumptions to our religious practice that we render it void. I think many of us probably fear that our personal devotional lives have gone in the same way of becoming so pretentious that we are pretty useless to the cause of the Gospel.

See, I don’t feel that the Old Testament is the mold for clunky trappings and phony tall hats. I don’t think it’s antithetical to the New Testament. I think the Old Testament and it’s Old Covenant laws is Relationship With God For Dummies.

I have gleaned four core beliefs about God from tagging along on my mother’s spiritual sojourning. The following are unshakable foundations for how I read, interpret, and organize my understanding of the unity of the Bible:

  1. God does not change His mind. (Numbers 23:19)
  2. The physical and the spiritual are one reality, though mercifully, humans have a thin veil separating their perception of the spiritual activity in their physical reality. (Talk to anyone who has done hallucigenics, had a psychotic break, experiences prophetic dreams, has been a missionary, knows a Satanist, has read Genesis 3:7, knows anything about Eastern Orthodox or Catholic beliefs on the spiritual realm, has the unfortunate experience of having seen demons, or just entertains philosophical sytems other than Western scientific rationalism and materialism.) Based on the premise that we live in an equally spiritual and physical reality, I believe that God’s physical laws and promises are in no way separate from His spiritual laws and promises. In other words, Christians are the spiritual children of Abraham and have been grafted into the physical promises of Abraham along with his spiritual promises. My belief in both of these statements is ultimately grounded in that I see no significant difference, in the Old or New Testament, between how the physical and spiritual components of reality are treated.
  3. God is Triune in the Old and New Testaments. He did not become Triune over time, neither in revelation nor in relationship to humans. (Genesis 1, Judges 6, John 1-3.) Therefore, the Levitical laws were as much from the heart of Jesus as from the heart of the Father. (John 12: 44-50)
  4. God has always been more concerned with the heart’s condition than outward disciplines. That concept did not originate in Matthew 5– in fact Jesus turned up the heat on the law, judging the heart he made the law even harder to keep! Laws are to discipline the flesh. The more yielding a heart is the more free a person is from strict disciplines. (1 Samuel 15:22-23, Psalm 40:6, 1 Corinthians 8:1-10:13, and everything written about King David.)

Therefore, celebrating, and I do mean celebrating, any component of the Old Covenant does not automatically make a person a Hebrew Roots legalist. In my case, it’s just something I enjoy.

I don’t depend on the Day of Atonement to give me salvation for just one year. I depend on that atoning Good Friday long ago for my salvation forever.

I neither think that my works please God, nor do I disparage any work I do in pursuit of Him. I know where my eternal rest comes from. I know how it was that I became enrobed in righteousness. And remembering an earthly day of “solemn rest,” 1, 3, 7, or 52 sunsets a year as a foreshadowing of my Eternal Rest does not make me forget one iota that only faith pleases God.

By faith I know that God both demands sacrifice and is the sacrifice; that He simultaniously demands perfection and that He irrationally, literally, by choice sees me as perfect.

And if you choose to read Leviticus 23:26-32, regarding the institution of the Day of Atonement, let me give you the key words/phrases of faithful practice that are as applicable today as they were 3,000 years ago when the Torah was given:

  1. Be careful (1 Corinthians 16:13)
  2. Holy assembly (Hebrews 10:23-25)
  3. Deny yourselves (Matthew 16:24)
  4. Offerings of purification are made for you making you right with God (1 John 2:2)
  5. All who do not deny themselves will be cut off from God (Luke 9:24)

Be free in Jesus name. Even free enough to be unafraid of the Law– because in Jesus, it ain’t got nothing on you! (John 5:45)

 

 

Testimony

Purim to Passover. Exodus and Esther

Passover ends tomorrow. I can feel a season of my life passing with it. A wintery storm dominated the last four months of our family’s life. Beginning on my daughter’s birthday, December 7th to tomorrow, April 7th, one disaster followed another.

On Clementine’s birthday, she and I went to visit her great-grandmother, my husband’s grandmother. That day we found out that Grandma Pat was not doing well. At 89 years old she was living independently, paying her own bills, had only recently stopped driving, and had control of her mental and physical faculties. But she wasn’t getting around well. And she wasn’t thinking very clearly. And she was very uncomfortable with her medical care. She had a deeply entrenched depression, and she begged her daughter to put her into hospice.

Dave and I began to visit more often and tried to take on a more helpful role. We began visiting near daily. On the 40th day of our visits, Grandma Pat had passed away. Home hospice had come in. Grandma Pat had relaxed into the care of strangers and on into eternity.

I had a very difficult time accepting this. It was maddening to me to watch her let go of her hope—literally maddening, I was worried about my mental health during this time! Later a hospital chaplain at Lucile Packard Children’s Hospital told me, “It sounds like it has been difficult for you to let go of your vision for her life. You had a vision of joy and longevity for her, and that is not what happened.” This helped let go of her life and release her death.

The hospital chaplain— that’s one other story. The night after Grandma Pat’s passing, Clementine was in the emergency room. She had been vomiting frequently. We’d be back in the emergency room a few weeks later. Clementine had a golf ball sized lump on the left side of her neck. After a week of Clemmie not taking her antibiotics, and diagnoses from swollen lymph nodes to cat scratch fever to hematoma floated, her lump was inflamed and her pediatrician instructed us to rush her to Stanford’s ER and told us to pack a bag because she’d need surgery and to be admitted for a few days.

Well, she was admitted for a few days, for eight days in fact. She had a 4cm abscess that the surgeons kept calling “impressive.” That is code for “scary.” She had to go under anesthesia twice. That reduced me to a puddle of crying mommy. She had to have four different IVs put in and underwent twice daily blood draws— all under the restraining talents of seven adults, two parents, and special ultrasound tools. Whenever the lab sent just one person with a tray of tubes, we’d ask, “they didn’t tell you about her?” A sort of “you’re gunna need a bigger boat.”

After a few days, we were probably going to get to go home. They had removed the drain that had been TWO inches in her neck. Clemmie was riding around the cardiovascular unit in a red wagon when I noticed a growth on the right side of her neck. We had known there were four smaller abscesses on her right side. One could not be “needle” aspirated because it was behind her carotid artery. So we had to let it grow.

It has been growing! Clementine’s “owie lump” has taken us back up to Stanford every week since we were discharged. It is still really red and leaky sometimes, but our wonderful doctor has been needling it in her clinic and doing everything in her power to keep Clemmie out of the hospital. Dr. Ahmad is aware that Dave was recently diagnosed with testicular cancer, so she has been doing her best to help us minimize the stress of Clementine’s treatment.

When I say that Dr. Ahmad is aware Dave was diagnosed recently, I mean that he was diagnosed with cancer while we were admitted at the children’s hospital. The week after we got home from Stanford, I was back in Palo Alto for Dave to have surgery to remove the tumor. The next day I made the trek again for Clementine’s abscess to be aspirated in clinic. This means she was strapped into a straight jacket on a table in what looks like an optometrist office and stuck with a syringe. Once pus begins to come up into the syringe, the doctor hand presses out an entire vial of infection and then some.

The medical procedures are barely half of it. We took the child life specialist’s advice and bought Clemmie medical toys for play therapy. From playing with her, it seems that the most trauma has been sustained in administering her antibiotics at home. I completely agree with her! That has been quite traumatic for me as well!!

Dave has been recovering emotional and physically from his surgery. We are waiting for his follow-up appointment to find out what the next steps in his treatment will be. We also will need to take steps to treat and accommodate the degenerative arthritis in his lower back that was revealed in a CT scan that was looking for more cancer.

Talk about the angel of death! I will be happy to see him pass over! The intensity of these past four months, and the fear of loss, has completely overhauled my stress coping skills. The only coping skill I have had, is to trust God. This is not trust-fall trust, this is like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon leaping into ether trust.

That day we first took Clementine to the emergency room in Monterey was February 28th. This year that was the date of Purim. Purim is the holiday established in the book of Esther. It commemorates the uncovering of an evil plot to destroy God’s people. The result of the plot being uncovered is that God’s people were able to be armed to defend themselves against the coming attack.

Purim is a major Jewish holiday. The next major holiday in the Biblical calendar is “Pesach” or Passover. Passover lasts a week with a feast on the first sabbath and a feast on the second sabbath within that week. Tomorrow is the “2nd Passover” feast. I felt very strongly in the weeks leading up to Purim that we were in a season of exposure true to the theme of Esther.

It was! Illness that was fomenting in the dark was brought to light during Purim. It is painful to face six weeks of hospitals, anesthesia, surgeries, wage losses, fear of death! But hidden threats are far worse than those exposed. Praise God that he revealed the threat!

Physically and spiritually we are constantly under threat. You know, like, wash your hands ’cause bacteria, viruses, and parasites are basically continually plotting against us;) Passover celebrates protection. It reminds us of salvation and deliverance. My hope is that with the end of Passover coming, that I will in fact see that salvation and deliverance of the Lord.

This season between Purim and Passover has been unreal. I wouldn’t trade it though. As with all our trials, the Lord doesn’t just give us resources in tough times, He gives us Himself.