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Instructions on the Care of Your Soul

“Perhaps the Lord will be gracious to me and let the child live,” 2 Samuel 12:22

In Philippians, we are told to be anxious for nothing but by prayer and petition make our requests known to God.

Jesus told us to ask anything in His name and He will do it (John 14:14). He also says that our Father knows how to give good gifts to those who ask Him (Matthew 7:11).

King David wrote one half of the Book of Psalms. He was skilled in the practice of prayer. His prayers aren’t always beautiful– poetic, yes; beautiful, no.

From the patterns of prayers found in the psalms, I have deduced that the power within David’s theology of prayer is that David felt he could say and ask for anything.

Nothing shows this more than the recounting of the death of David’s first son by Bathsheba– the child resulting from David’s sins of adultery and murder.

There is a principle of prayer in this passage of scripture that I am almost positive you haven’t considered:

Praying a prayer that you know God will reject.

2 Samuel 12:1-25:

The Lord sent Nathan to David. When he came to him, he said, “There were two men in a certain town, one rich and the other poor. The rich man had a very large number of sheep and cattle, but the poor man had nothing except one little ewe lamb he had bought. He raised it, and it grew up with him and his children. It shared his food, drank from his cup and even slept in his arms. It was like a daughter to him.

“Now a traveler came to the rich man, but the rich man refrained from taking one of his own sheep or cattle to prepare a meal for the traveler who had come to him. Instead, he took the ewe lamb that belonged to the poor man and prepared it for the one who had come to him.”

David burned with anger against the man and said to Nathan, “As surely as the Lord lives, the man who did this must die! He must pay for that lamb four times over, because he did such a thing and had no pity.”

Then Nathan said to David, “You are the man! This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’

11 “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”

the-old-guitarist13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”

Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for the Lord, the son born to you will die.”

15 After Nathan had gone home, the Lord struck the child that Uriah’s wife had borne to David, and he became ill. 16 David pleaded with God for the child. He fasted and spent the nights lying in sackcloth on the ground. 17 The elders of his household stood beside him to get him up from the ground, but he refused, and he would not eat any food with them.

18 On the seventh day the child died. David’s attendants were afraid to tell him that the child was dead, for they thought, “While the child was still living, he wouldn’t listen to us when we spoke to him. How can we now tell him the child is dead? He may do something desperate.”

19 David noticed that his attendants were whispering among themselves, and he realized the child was dead. “Is the child dead?” he asked.

“Yes,” they replied, “he is dead.”

20 Then David got up from the ground. After he had washed, put on lotions and changed his clothes, he went into the house of the Lord and worshiped. Then he went to his own house, and at his request they served him food, and he ate.

21 His attendants asked him, “Why are you acting this way? While the child was alive, you fasted and wept, but now that the child is dead, you get up and eat!”

22 He answered, “While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept. I thought, ‘Who knows? The Lord may be gracious to me and let the child live.’ 23 But now that he is dead, why should I go on fasting? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”

24 Then David comforted his wife Bathsheba, and he went to her and made love to her. She gave birth to a son, and they named him Solomon. The Lord loved him; 25 and because the Lord loved him, he sent word through Nathan the prophet to name him Jedidiah.

Even in sin, in punishment, in anguish, David turns to the Lord for help. 

Having a relationship with the Lord is a hard thing to define. I’ve been trying! Relationship with God means that your hope is in Him even when you’re out of alignment with Him. It means even when you know God is disciplining you, it is Him that you run to for help. Relationship means love and communication despite disharmony– markedly different than reverential religious worship. 

Cain, Jonah, Judas Iscariot all ran from God when they did wrong. David ran to God.

David knew that nothing he did took away his access to the throne room of grace. No matter what, the very least he could depend on was that God would let him make his request known. God would hear David’s prayers. David trusted that the Lord’s ears were never deaf to him.

There was absolutely nothing that David didn’t take to the Lord in prayer.

“Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth” Psalm 121:1-2.

David poured out his strength to the Lord in requests for his son. And then, after the baby died, he got up, cleaned up, and went to the Tabernacle to worship.

David didn’t pray for his baby to live because he thought God would say yes. He prayed for his baby to live because God was his only hope.

You’ll notice that unlike what many of Israel’s wicked kings would have done, David never even thought of turning to magicians or shamans or healers or mediums to try to save the baby. He went to the One who had stricken the child with illness in the first place. Because that One, was his only god on that day and every other day of his life.

David had some bad traits, but idolater was not one of them. Good, bad, or indifferent, he worshipped and trusted in the strength of only One. I believe that this trait is the key to why even with serious moral failures, David is called “a man after God’s own heart.”

In this light, here are the instructions for the care of your soul when making your request known to God:

  1. Ask God for everything in your heart, because who else can you turn to?
  2. Don’t just pray for God’s will and for your basic needs in life while leaving your requests to be gotten illegitimately

The odd thing about making requests that don’t seem particularly holy, is that those are the vulnerable prayers that keep us from idolatry and adultery.

Our faithfulness to the Lord is made possible by honest, every day, requests.

“Take it to the Lord in prayer.”

 

*image: “The Old Guitarist” Pablo Picasso

 

 

Instructions on the Care of Your Soul

“For He cares for you,” 1 Peter 5:7

living waters matisse

Just a couple weeks ago, I saw this print by Pierre Matisse gracing a statement wall in my friend, Julie’s living room. Knowing the story of the Woman at the Well, I was struck by Matisse’s handling of the immoral Samaritan woman. He portrayed her as dignified, secure, and saturated in provision. Matisse’s interpretation couldn’t be further from how I had previously thought about the Samaritan woman at the well. But, his interpretation couldn’t be any closer to the truth of her story.

 

Today’s Instruction on the Care of Your Soul is to cast your cares on Jesus.

The story of Jesus’ encounter with the Woman at the Well portrays better than anything why we can trust Jesus with our cares.

Typically we think of our “cares” as earthly needs for provision and protection. Perhaps you, as I, separate your “cares” from your “burdens,” with burdens having a more emotional connotation.

It makes sense that we’d parse definitions this way being that even alternate versions of the Bible translate “cares” as anxieties or worries.

The context in which 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to, “Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you,” is an exhortation to humble ourselves to God’s sovereignty– His “mighty hand.” We are to allow Him to be the one to take care of us no matter how our life circumstances look. We are to believe beyond belief that He is in control of even the most chaotic situations. In this framework, we cast our cares on Him.

Putting ourselves under the execution of God’s mighty hand is scary. It is scary when you aren’t certain that He cares for you. This shadow of uncertainty in God’s care is darkest when you are a person with a guilty conscience.

When you carry a burden of guilt the fear of punishment, feelings of shame, and knowledge of judgment makes it very difficult to trust God with anything physical and emotional, temporal or eternal. Guilt erodes our belief that God is for us and cares to sustain us through life’s trials.

The cares of this world and emotional burdens get tied together by a guilty conscience. The result is an inability to cast our cares on the only one who can take care of them.

Enter the Woman at the Well.

The Woman at the Well was drawing water in the heat of the day because no one else would be there at that time. She wore the scarlet letter. She was judged by others and had done everything they gossiped about. In the middle of the day, she was avoiding all the other women in town who’d come draw water once dusk cooled the day.

Uncomfortably for her, this woman with a terrible reputation found herself alone with a man at the very time of day she was trying to escape her reputation as a seductress.

Truth be told, I feel really sorry for the Woman at the Well. She had had five husbands. The sixth guy didn’t even marry her in an age when cohabitation was not a thing. And within two minutes of conversation with this stranger, Jesus displayed His supernatural quality to the woman by telling her that He knew these secrets and sins about her. Oddly, it was kinda her miracle. Some people understood Jesus’ identity after a healing or receiving forgiveness, the Samaritan woman’s miracle encounter with Jesus was just Him stating the elephant in the room— that her life was dominated by sexual impropriety.

As far as I know women couldn’t divorce men at that time. A women caught in adultery would be killed. So, I’m not sure what she did, but I am guessing her husbands left her, not the other way around. And the sixth took advantage of her sullied history to the extent of not having the decency to accept her as his wife.

The Woman at the Well had experienced a lot of rejection! Those rejections had greater implications than just emotional insecurity. A woman who wasn’t legally married in that day had no legal rights or inheritance. She had no security of future provision.

I have been discovering lately that guilt, rejection, and a deprivation mentality are clandestine bedmates.

When I think of rejection I think of feelings of being unlovable or overlooked or insufficient. Until this week as God has been working things out in my own heart, I never even considered how an abiding sense of guiltiness under the law could be a platform for a pattern of rejection in my life.

A sinfulness complex and a rejection complex are twin specters in our lives.

Rejection is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Particularly because we can perceive rejection where it really doesn’t exist. Our response to fictitious rejection often culminates in real rejection as people’s limited grace for our insecure oddities runs out. At the root of it, we expect to be rejected because we feel guilty and ashamed of ourselves.

Worse than any rejection we can suffer at the hands of parents or parental figures, employers and mentors, potential lovers or actual lovers, is the rejection of God. Rejection by God implies death. Where God rejects there is not just pain but utter deprivation.

The law lets us know that being rejected by God is not just a possibility it is an inevitability. Unless we receive the Holy Spirit, which is the Living Waters from Jesus, we will be cast out to where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth– a place of consuming anxiety and cosmic wanting (John 7:37-39; Matthew 22:1-14; Hebrews 10).

I am one of those people who has an unfortunately sensitive conscience. My conscience is easily piqued. The awareness I have of the righteous requirement of the law expands far beyond its natural bounds. I lay a heavy burden on myself much like the Pharisees did to the people in Jesus’ day (Matthew 23:4).

“They crush people with unbearable religious demands and never lift a finger to ease the burden,” Matthew 23:4.

 All growing up I had an abiding sense of guilt. I felt inherently immoral. I was always waiting to get in trouble for something even though I almost never (seriously) did anything that could get me into trouble.

My guilt burden, or sinfulness complex, resulted in an expectation of rejection. I had this weird “un-fantasy” when I was young that I would do something bad and that my parents would abandon me for it and then I would become homeless. To me, homelessness was the end result of rejection for your sins. Of course as it happens, I was born genetically predisposed to bipolar disorder, a serious mental illness closely associated with homelessness. As Job said, “The thing that I feared came upon me” (Job 3:25).

I carried an inflated burden of guilt that fortified a stronghold of rejection that gave a throne in my heart to a spirit of deprivation. A spirit of deprivation manifests as: cares, worries, anxieties, want, lack, scarcity, torment, weeping and gnashing of teeth.

We must receive the forgiveness of our sins and the atonement for our guilt that Jesus offers, so that we might also receive the rich provisions of His mercy. We cannot have relationship with God without the removal of our guilt. Otherwise, our rejection stronghold will make us unable to feel the love of God; and a pervasive belief that we are chronically deprived will make us unable to receive the saturation of His grace.

The Woman at the Well was a Samaritan. When she met Jesus she had an immediate expectation of rejection because of the animosity between Jews and Samaritans. She was born the wrong kind of person– she had inherent guilt.

Jesus engages with the Samaritan woman despite her being the wrong kind of person morally and ethnically; and He engages with her in a very generous and intimate way.

In John 4, there are three references to the woman’s response to Jesus’ supernatural knowledge of her multiple sexual partners:

  1. First, she says to Jesus: “I can see you are a prophet.”
  2.  Second, she tells the towns people, “Come see a man who told me everything I ever did. Could he be the Messiah?”
  3. Third, the narrative explains that the Samaritan townspeople went to hear Jesus themselves because of the testimony that she gave: “He told me everything I ever did.” They came to believe that Jesus is the Savior of the world because of both what she said and that she encouraged them to go listen to him for themselves. 

The Woman at the Well’s response to Jesus grew from “You are a prophet” to “maybe You’re the Messiah” to “You are the Savior of the world.”

Jesus defied the woman’s expectation of rejection by requesting her hospitality

Jesus disabled her guilt by taking the veil of secrecy off of her sins.

Jesus also dispossessed the woman’s spirit of deprivation by telling her to ask him for the satisfaction he had available to her.

Her problem was sin and shame, but Jesus addressed her cares– her need for satisfaction.

First, He addresses her profound thirsts. Then He shares with her something he shared with very few people. He shares with her the mystery of God– that Jesus came to offer salvation to the Jews and to the Gentiles, to the half-breeds like her (Ephesians 3:5-6). He tells her the secret that God’s plan is to make right even the people who were born wrong. He offered her knowledge of Himself and His life’s passion. 

This is how Jesus handles our cares too: He requests entry to our hearts, removes the secrecy from around our sin, tells us to ask Him for satisfaction, and then resolves all of our ambivalence toward Him into perfect peace by revealing intimate information about Himself to us.

This is relationship with Jesus. Not only does He know us, but He assures us that our hearts are safe in His hands by entrusting to us privileged information about Himself.

It’s hard to describe what “a personal relationship with God” means in practical terms. But here’s my best guess: Relationship with Jesus is realizing that Jesus is a person who knows the secret of my sins and let’s me know the secrets of His glory.

The transformative power of casting our cares on Jesus is that He cares for us. Paternalistic relationships are one way. But Jesus displays His tender care for us by knowing us and being known by us.

The power center of my testimony is the way that Jesus cares for me.

Sharing our testimonies grows our satisfaction and our conviction that Jesus is the Savior who is able to handle all manner of cares. Again- the Samaritan woman’s conviction about Jesus’ identity grew from prophet to possible Messiah of the Jews to Savior of the whole world in the course of two days by sharing her testimony.

Her testimony— “He told me everything I ever did,” unfettered her from guilt under the law and released her into dignity. It removed her cloak of rejection and clothed her in security. It filled her up with self-replenishing, life-giving waters.

My instructions to you for taking care of your soul’s cares is to share your testimony. It’s the most tangible action step in the effort to psychologically cast your cares on Jesus.

Tell anyone and everyone about the One who knows everything you ever did and extended an offer of friendship to you anyway. And– sharing your testimony isn’t really to evangelize anyone else. That’s just a byproduct.

Sharing your testimony is about evangelizing yourself. It is about growing your capacity to cast your cares on Him because you know He cares for you. In such your capacity to receive from Him also grows. Your capacity to feel love grows.

When Jesus first asked the Woman at the Well for a drink of water, she said, “but you have nothing to draw it up with.” He replied, “If you knew who you were talking to, you would ask me for living water and you would never thirst again.”

Look at the image of the Matisse above— It can pour down rain, but unless you have a jar to draw it with, you are not living well in living waters.

Let Jesus remove the guilt that keeps you from dipping into the well of God’s grace, mercy, and forgiveness.  Your sin is not a secret to Jesus. You don’t have to worry what He’ll do if He finds out.

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

Instructions on the Care of Your Soul

“Who will get what you have prepared for yourself?” Luke 12:20

I am an epic planner. That must be why I was attracted to solution-oriented life coaching. In coaching your process is: set a goal, visualize, plan, repeat. You repeat the “Four Powerful Planning Questions” until you find a course of action that works. But, don’t be afraid to crumple up your “working” action plan and start over.

We can be easily programmed to believe that strategizing on how to solve a problem can be just as relieving as actually solving it. This process of plan and plan again is about as useful as smoking a cigarette– it chemically produces a very real calming effect on the brain…for about 10 minutes. I was once a chain action planner. It is smoke and mirrors. It makes anxiety cyclical not solved.

When I get stressed I take it out on grid paper. No matter how out of my control the situation may seem, I can measure it all out and apportion it into perfectly drawn boxes and clean lists and feel better. This is manageable. Pinning my burdens to a piece of paper feels…transcendent.

I have journals and journals full of lists. I don’t Dear Diary— my life is documented by bullet point. Grocery lists, budgets, class schedules, reading lists, prayer requests, career paths, list upon list revealing the things that matter most to me in less than 50 words each.

My “list journals” have a full catalogue of my intentions and assertions, the ways in which I planned to apply myself. If I ever wanted to manifest it, it’s on a list. When I look back at them I find that some of the items have check marks, many don’t. Some of those goals I am still pursuing, many I am not, or they are now completely unrecognizable from the road map laid down 1, 5 or 10 years ago.

Then one from the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.” But He said to him, “Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?” And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness, for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.” Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully. And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’ So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater ones, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.” But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’ “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.” (Luke 12:13-21)

We often think of “the will” as the bull in the china cabinet of our inner being. A person who is called “strong-willed” is envisioned as ornery and selfish.

Willfulness can be much more subtle than classic stubbornness. It exists even in people generally perceived as gentle or cool. It is found in any person who is committed— unflappably committed—to anything at any time that’s outside of the thing and time God has ordained for them.

Willfulness is not the antithesis of obedience. It is the antithesis of trust.

About two years ago, I felt convicted to stop saying, “I will.”

“I will do this. I will do that. I will never. I will always.”

You will nothing. Just ask my lists.

The nature of the Will:

  • The will plans for a desired future outcome.
  • We “will” based on the presumption that our plans will yield the desired results. Presumption is based on false assumptions. Like say, the assumption that we know what God wants for us. After all, “this is good, godly, wise and biblical, so it must be God’s will for me to will this.”
  • The will is single-mindedness guarded by indignation. It shields its rebellion behind self-righteousness and storied justifications. It is fueled by vain imaginations. 
  • The application of the will usually entails huge blind spots to self.
  • The will feels entitled to the results of its plan.
  • Willfulness blames God when its plans don’t bear fruit.

Love the Lord your God with all your strengthThat is, with all your will

“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of my Father in heaven will enter. Many will say to Me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in Your name cast out demons, and in Your name perform many miracles? And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness.” Matthew 7:21-23

1 Samuel 15:23:

Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft. Stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, he has rejected you as king.

King Saul, when this was spoken over him, was convinced that Samuel should congratulate him for doing God’s will. Even though he had blatantly disobeyed, he had deluded himself to the point of thinking that he had obeyed the spirit of God’s instructions when really, even he confessed that his real motivator was maintaining his popularity (1 Samuel 15:1-26). He thought he did something good, but God told Saul, depart from me.

Now notice that according to Matthew 7:23, even doing good and productive things does not make you a good and faithful servant if you are willing it. In fact, such action does not just run afoul, it’s lawlessness.

“It is appointed unto man once to die.” You either die in your sins at the end of your physical life, or you die to your sins at the beginning of your eternal life. Either way, you only die once. That’s what baptism signifies; for Christians, it is the only death we experience. Who by worrying can add a day to his life? Who by willing can please God?

Your will stores up treasures here, now, and has to have it. Your will worries, hoards and plans for a future that God is not providing for.

But who will inherit what you prepared for yourself in the flesh when your “once” comes? Will you have inherited life incorruptible by dying to self, being born again of the Spirit, and storing up treasures in God’s storehouse?

If your unsubmissive will has anything to say about it, you will die in your sin. And the will of one’s flesh always has something to say.

The instruction:

Get your will to be the first of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under earth, to bow its knee and confess with its tongue that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father. (Phillipians 2:10-11)

All the talk your church leaders throw around about putting Jesus on the thrown of your heart? That teaching is for the benefit of your will.

Bathe your will in the sufficiency of Christ. His sufficiency takes away your fear of punishment, of imperfection. His sufficiency takes away your fear of lack. His sufficiency satisfies your hunger and thirst. His sufficiency fills up your insufficiency.

Your will can go take a nap.

 

 

~unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain. unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain. in vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat– for He grants sleep to those who He loves. Psalm 127:1-2~

 

 

 

Instructions on the Care of Your Soul

“For although they knew God…they became futile in their thinking,” Romans 1:21

With all the rage that social media stirs up over opinions, for all the campaigning that guidance counselors do for higher education, in all the ways we bow to good taste and praise the informed, it’s obvious that for many people they are the sum of their thoughts.

I am writing– without judgment– as someone who has put a strong emphasis on the mind as the most important component of my personality.

Unfortunately for sophisticated little ol’ me, you don’t have to be particularly smart to be obsessed with intellect. You really just have to be prideful.

A root of pride once grew thick around my own high estimation of my thoughts, until a recent and sobering discovery:

The mind is completely insignificant. 

From a biblical perspective, the mind is the weakest, most malleable and gullible component of our inner person. And the more devoted someone is to their own wisdom, the more of a fool they are as measured against the wisdom of God.

“For the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight. As it is written ‘He catches the wise in their craftiness.’ And again, ‘The Lord knows the thoughts of the wise are futile,'” 1 Corinthians 3:19-20.

Futile means useless. Pointless. Incapable of producing a useful result. Thank you, Google word search, that’s not how I want my thoughts described.

Like Descartes, I have bought into the fallacy: “I think therefore I am.”

This perspective has its roots in the erudite traditions of Ancient Greece. Ancient Greeks had the same feelings about the preeminence of the mind that me and Descartes share.

First Corinthians 1:18-25 describes how Jews valued signs and wonders as proofs of reality but Greeks valued wisdom as proofs. Because of this Paul tells the Corinthians, Jesus became both the power of God and the wisdom of God.

Jesus proves the reality of God through both the irrationality of miracles and the rationality of argumentation.

“I think therefore I am.” Descartes said.

To Descartes, the thought life of man is the proof of corporeal existence. He was gravely mistaken. The thought life of the Creator is the proof of corporeal existence. To make man the measure is an egregious affront to God in His specific role as Creator.

See Romans 1:16-32 for a full description of how when God’s role as Mastermind of the Universe is demeaned the punishment is God allowing for the decay of man’s mind.

In Romans 1:28, there is a downward spiral described by Paul that begins with man refusing to acknowledge God as creator, having ingratitude toward Him as creator, and thus God giving man over to the degradation of his own useless thinking.

I must confess as sins the emphasis on intelligence and idolatry of the mind that I have indulged in my whole life.

The Bible never praises the faculties of the mind.

Wisdom comes from God not the human mind. The Book of Proverbs is thirty-one chapters of how foolish, fickle, lustful, greedy, impulsive, conniving, and easily influenced the mind is.

Honestly, Buddhists have a very useful analogy for what the untrained mind is like:

The mind is a monkey. If you don’t give it something really specific to do at all times, it will just swing around slinging poop everywhere.

In the Bible, the only mind that matters is the Master’s.

It has been a life-altering realization for me that the mind is not preeminent, it is base. To trust in it is folly. It is the sand upon which many build their houses at their own peril (Matthew 7:24-27). The man who builds his house upon the words of Jesus– His words which are considered foolishness to the world– is in fact like the wise man who knows to build on a firm foundation.

When I went through a manic psychosis at 23 years old, my basic sense of self was completely annihilated. My intellect slipped away smoothly and completely like sand through an hourglass.

Mania is a fool’s errand. It is hysterical, impulsive, and unreasoning.

Escalating and de-escalating between August ‘09 and October ‘09 mania ravaged for everyone close to me what we all thought we knew about me! My thoughts— my essential self and prized social offering— were mauled and mangled until unrecognizable. My trust in myself was forever marred, because “myself” was my mind. It felt like others would never again trust “me” either.

In the month or so after my “vacation” in Garden Pavilion (Garden Pavilion is the local hospital’s euphemism for psych ward), I attended a church service at Monterey Church. My heart still reeling and not yet hardened— it would become hardened— I went forward during an alter call. While in prayer I received a clear word:

Don’t believe everything you think.

In my life’s most confusing moment, I could not have been given any greater chance at freedom than being allowed to not believe nor take with gravity every passing thought that floated through my mind. This was good news given that at that time my thoughts were pretty dark and painfully existential!

The Book of Jude talks about false teachers sharing ideas that were like passing clouds, an autumn tree, and ocean waves. He wrote that the ideas of false teachers are clouds that deliver no rain, autumn trees barren of fruit, and ocean waves that do nothing but froth up its foam. Useless, futile, disappointing, failing to yield what is promised.

Our minds can be false teachers.

False teachings come from the mind not from the Spirit.

The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom.

The most important way we exercise our fear of God is by taking God’s Spirit-breathed word at its word, and allowing it to confound our thinking. Without such an exercise our proud minds will keep us from repentance and from trusting in God’s plan for salvation: the foolishness of the cross.

Our minds particularly need salvation. Perhaps that is why we receive salvation by “believing on” Jesus. Believing on Jesus is a saving submission of our minds to Christ’s deity and His righteousness.

Jesus was foolishness to the world, but He is in fact the wisdom of God. He is the Word of God; He is the wisdom that reveals God to us. Truth proceeds from His mouth like a double edged sword. We renew our minds by the washing of this Word (John 1:1; Revelation 1; Romans 12:2; Ephesians 4:23.)

Instructions for the care of your mind:

1. Submit your mind to the Word not the Word to your mind.

2. Be aware that the spirit of this age is “information” and “self-expression” and “self-righteousness.”

3. Put on the Helmet of Salvation.

4. Here’s a suggestion from a real smarty, Chuck Missler: “Repent daily of ingratitude and presumption.”

5. Praise and worship God alone.

“Stop deceiving yourselves. If you think you are wise by this world’s standards, you need to become a fool to be truly wise,” 1 Corinthians 3:18.

Perhaps in light of 1 Corinthians 3:18 I can see my mental illness, which is the constant threat of a fall into foolishness, as a way God is caring for the safety of my soul.

Is it? I don’t know, but bless the Lord, oh my soul, all that is within me— even a once proud, now humbled mind— bless His holy name.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*Just in case it comes up: Am I one of a breed of fundamentalist known for supporting anti-intellectualism in the church? No.

Instructions on the Care of Your Soul

“For out of it spring the issues of life.” Proverbs 4:23

“Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it springs the issues of life,” Proverbs 4:23.

If you are like me, and grew up in the evangelical Purity Culture of the 1990s, you have probably never connected this verse to anything beyond romantic relationships. We were told as young tender buds to “guard our hearts and not give them away too easily.” Because– if we did the rest of our lives would be plagued with guilt and the shame of betraying a far off, future husband.

Unfortunately, the Purity Culture did a terrible job of delivering its argument, implementing a meaningful abstinence for young people, or teaching the biblical approach to singleness. See the heart of 1 Corinthians for a beautiful portrayal of what the young, single, and chaste should be enjoying in Christ.

The heart is not synonymous for love, our love life, nor is it the singular place from which we love God. In fact, it is our whole self that loves God. “Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, all your mind, and all your strength.”

This verse taken from Deuteronomy 6:5 is reiterated throughout the rest of Deuteronomy and is notably quoted by Jesus in each of the synoptic gospels.

What peaks my interest is that each reiteration of this command includes different aspects of the self.

Sometimes strength is explicitly considered a function of the mind (inner being), and sometimes it is external (keeping laws). Sometimes mind and soul are distinct, and sometimes equivocated. The heart, however, is always listed first, and is always simply referred to as “the heart.”

In the King James Version of the Bible the word “heart” is used 725 times in the Old Testament and 105 times in the New Testament.

Interestingly, as each new translation is released the use of the word translated as “heart” decreases. My off-the-cuff analysis of the linguistic shift would be that subsequent translations use words like soul, inner being, and other comparable words for heart as they diverge from the KJV.

Until further notice, I am making the argument that each component of the soul is unique in function, particularly in the functionality of relationship to God and the spiritual realities of existence. This means that I would rather dynamic equivalencies not be used in translating the words for “heart.”

Regardless, the heart is of utmost importance to the Lord. Thus the ubiquity of Proverbs 4:23– “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (NIV)

A survey of the word “heart” in scripture gives a dynamic picture of both the centrality of the heart to man’s person, and the central importance God puts on the heart, and the singularity of His interest in it.

Above all else, God cares about the state of our hearts.

He takes action upon our hearts and commands us to take action upon them as well.

Here are some observations of what scripture tells us about God’s expectations and edicts for the heart:

  1. When reconciled to God we get a new one. To me, this is an argument against the heart being merely the seat of the emotions; it is rather the seat of the whole person.(Psalm 90:12 and Ezekiel 11:19)
  2.  The heart is not incapable of good but it is inherently bad— dead in trespasses.
  3. A perverse heart can have no access to God (Psalm 101:4).
  4. The heart is the thing that qualifies a person as either pure or defiled.
  5. It defiles itself but God regenerates it.
  6. It is the thing by which we are judged.
  7. It is what is tested.
  8. The heart has intent— it is the motivational center of the inner being.
  9. It is the thing that believes.
  10. The heart and the spirit are candidates as the two inner being components that are synonymous, rather than the heart and the soul (Psalm 51:17). Theologians look for evidence of synonyms between spirit and soul because of the ongoing confusion as to whether or not they are distinct. (Psalm 139:23. Proverbs 17:22)
  11. There is a thing within us that can command our heart. What is that?
  12. The heart is definitely a faculty distinct from the mind.
  13. No matter our deeds, it is the motivation of the heart that dictates the spiritual quality of our actions (Ephesians 6:6).
  14. The heart generates active sins. It is not just a philosophical/spiritual/qualitative center, but it is a moral center.
  15. Desires come from it. 
  16. It meditates. Is this a thinking or a ruminating? To me ruminating can be subconscious. The heart might “think” apart from the mind based on my observation.
  17. It plans (Proverbs 16:1).
  18. It prays.
  19. The heart is a reflection (mirror) of the person— it produces fruit that reveals the fabric of a person.
  20. It is intended by God to be glad, have joy, be tranquil and at peace, and to not be troubled.
  21. Philippians 4:7 says the peace of God guards it. The heart is supposed to be at peace when operating in its created purpose of abiding in God.
  22. God works on the heart to work on a man. This “heart part” can act as the whole in responsiveness to God. (Acts 16:14, and Pharaoh in Exodus.)
  23. The mind’s quality is influenced by the heart’s quality.
  24. The sincerity or insincerity– proof of an emotion– comes from the heart.
  25. The heart is the recipient of the Word and the gospel.
  26. The Lord can act on the heart to make it soft or hard, or established, or He can put a fear of God within it.
  27. Only God knows, and only God searches, the hearts of man.
  28. The heart follows a person’s treasure.

(For references to all of the verses that I pulled these notes from click here.)

“To guard” in Hebrew has the same meaning as “to cultivate” and “to tend.”

So, these instructions I leave with you to cultivate and tend to your heart:

  1. Take action on your heart. Do not be passive about the state of your heart.
  2. Meditate on what God wants for your heart: peace, tranquility, good. If something doesn’t align with those attributes, it is fair warning.
  3. Receive the Word of God and the Gospel of Christ into your heart. Believer, never stop receiving the Gospel into your heart just like you did at first.
  4. Assess, reassess, and assess again what your treasure is and where you have invested it.

Your heart itself is a treasure to be invested. I can’t help but think of the Garden of Eden when I see that “to guard” also means to cultivate, tend, and “to keep” in the original language.

We are hopeless in sin and depend on grace constantly to do anything; we cannot save ourselves in any way. Yet, concerning our heart we have been given a mandate, an action step.

When God made Adam He put him in the Garden of Eden expressly to “work it and take care of it,” Genesis 2:15. “And the Lord commanded him…you are free…but you must not…” Genesis 2:16-17.

Our heart is now the place where we walk with God, and it comes with a mandate– With instructions. Cultivate, tend and keep it, for the rivers of your life flow from it.

 

Instructions on the Care of Your Soul

“Oh my soul, and all that is within me,” Psalm 103:1

I had a really significant conversation several months ago.

A friend and I were talking about our experiences with mental illness– anxiety, depression, and all the related symptoms that tendril and thread from the two.

Within the discussion, I shared with her that I had been under a blanketing depression since November. At the time of the conversation this depression was four months strong. I shared with her that what was strange about this depression was that I had a distinct feeling of being sustained even though I was self-aware of my depressed state.

It is an odd sensation to feel not OK and OK at the same time. Peace?

I felt like the Lord was hiding me under His wings. I had a feeling of safety and security that is actually quite antithetical to depression.

There was a deep sense within me that I could wait. I could wait on the Lord. I could wait for the clouds to break. It was going to be OK, and in fact it already was OK because God was there with me, and not just with me but was so near and involved in my situation that He had made Himself the very structure that was keeping me warm and dry while it poured outside.

Many times in my life depression has put its cold hand on me. Never until this past year have I had the experience of feeling like my body and its chemicals were depressed but my soul was OK. My body was broken but my soul was just bruised.

I was not dissociative from my physical reality. My soul was feeling the fight. My mind was foggy. I wanted to live on Reese’s and chocolate chip cookies, and because I’m a grown-up, I did. My emotions vacillated between sad, angry, and lonely. My will had spurts of intense positive resolution in response to the general malaise and defeat.

But! My spirit’s security in Christ spoke comfort where there was none. My spirit spoke future into the places where the past was on parade. My spirit spoke one word at a time so my tired brain could process truth. My spirit spoke about Christ when my soul wanted to speak about itself.

My soul wanted to talk about me– my thoughts, my wants, my unfulfilled desires, my frustrated dreams, my longings, my justifications, my failings, my hurt, my hurt, my hurt, my hurt, my hurt.

My soul wanted to talk about others– the injustices they had inflicted, the disappointments they perpetuated, the yelling, the controlling, the manipulation, the lying, the cheating, the stupidity, the ways they made me feel so alone, so exposed, so crushed and stifled, overlooked, forgotten.

That was my soul. My spirit wanted to talk about:

Christ.

I told my friend, that my experience these last months taught me that we must tell our souls to acknowledge God.

David the psalmist commands: “Bless the Lord, oh my soul!”

He says, “Do it soul! Rally. Rise up. Bless Him. You don’t want to, but you must. Soul! Hear me. Bless the Lord, oh my dear, sweet, sad, rebellious, self-sufficient, deficient, beloved-of-God soul.”

Praise the Lord, my soul; all my inmost being, praise His holy name. Praise the Lord, my soul, and forget not His benefits– who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desire with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. Psalm 103:1-5 (NIV)

Psalm 103 mentions God’s love 4 distinct times and  His compassion also 4 times. His forgiveness, His redemption, His renewal, His healing and restoration, His commitment to  righteousness on His children’s behalf– these are the layers that fill out the depiction of God’s love and compassion toward His own. David calls these qualities, “God’s benefits.”

“Praise the Lord, my soul; and forget not His benefits.”

What part of David is commanding his soul?

There must be a sort of super ego to his ego if his self has a self to talk to his self.

Does self=soul? Is there more or less to our “selfs” than a soul? Is a soul different than a spirit?

The soul is our mind, will, and emotions. For someone with mental illness, like my-self, the idea that “the self” is equivalent to the soul would be damning. My mind, will, and emotions are seats of my sickness.

I hopefully maintain the belief that “the self” is tripartite. Being tripartite means that we have three parts: spirit, soul, and body. Or it could be body, soul, and spirit depending on whose in charge within you.

I believe that David’s spirit was commanding his soul to acknowledge the Lord. Our souls are the things prone to wander.

Our spirits are that part that was killed by Adam and then made alive by Christ. 

To me, the soul is double minded, sometimes an ally of the spirit and at others an accomplice of the body. The spirit is perhaps always an ally of the Holy Spirit? But the soul is surely fickle and must be commanded. (“Cain, sin is crouching at the door, eager to control you. But you must subdue it and be its master.” Genesis 4:7 NLT.)

I’ll throw a little theological conjecture in here: Is it our spirit that is saved; our soul that is being saved; and our body that will be saved? Maybe: Our spirit has been declared righteous (justification). Our soul is the thing being made holy (sanctification). Our body will be saved from destruction one day (glorification).

My friend’s response to my belief that we have an impetus on us to command our souls was, “This is why we must take care of them.”

I need to take care of my soul.

That comment was really provocative to me. I had to really think about it. I am prone to being hard on my soul. After all, left to its own devices, my soul is one half (with my body) of my flesh. “The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, ” said Paul. However, it is clear in Psalm 103 that God loves my soul and my body too.

So, I have to credit my friend for piquing my interest in what the Bible has to say about caring for our souls.

The Corinthians of the New Testament fell into the Greek fallacy that “the self” is just the material vs the immaterial, and that only the immaterial mattered. (The immaterial being the intellectual, philosophical, and spiritual.)

The Christian scriptures in no way support this view.

God breathed our spirits out, He imagined our personalities, and He crafted our bodies.

So it behooves us to know what God says about soul-care. Not what our culture says—our culture is steeped in the human potential movement— but rather we must know what God says about the instructions for the care of our souls.

 

 

 

 

Testimony

Testimony Shared at Cypress Church Gonzales: “Do you love Me?”

I had the privilege of sharing my testimony today at Cypress Church Gonzales with Dave Anderson. In the teaching today, Dave gave instructions from John 21– Peter’s reinstatement after denying Jesus 3 times. My testimony of being a disciple, denying Jesus, and then being reinstated is the object lesson. You can find my testimony starting right before the 23:00 minute mark.

Click here to listen.

And below is a “transcript” of my testimony. These are technically my notes but I followed them very closely if you are like me and prefer to read over listen.

Testimony: John 21 

I.  Dave has asked me to share my testimony as a sort of insight into how a person, like Peter, can go from being a passionate follower of Jesus, to denying association with Jesus, and then being called back to serving the Lord as a disciple again.

A. My testimony is a lot like Peter’s. In fact, the easiest way to describe my experience as  a disciple is through the pieces of Peter’s story that are scattered throughout the gospels. 

B. In John’s gospel, we meet Simon Peter in the very first chapter and are told that he was brought to Jesus. 

    1. His brother said, “We found the Messiah!” Peter was brought to Jesus. Jesus looked right at him and said, “I’m going to call you Cephas,” meaning Rock. In Matthew 16:18, Jesus tells Simon, “You are Peter and on this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it.” 

Woah!

C. When I met Jesus it was very much like how Peter met Jesus. My parents brought me to church. 

  I encountered Jesus and knew that He was my Messiah, my Savior at a very young age. 

  And I experienced that feeling of Jesus looking right at me and saying, “I am going to call you by a special name for a specific purpose in my Kingdom.” 

  • And I responded to that very special encounter with Jesus just like Peter did! Peter was an ardent and dedicated disciple, as was I. 
  • Being a Christian was exciting and satisfying to me in my youth.

II.  My mentor growing up, a woman named Anne, used to say Peter was, “Ready, Shoot, Aim.” 

  1. We get many glimpses of Peter’s heart throughout the Gospels. But John’s gospel, chapter 13 particularly, paints him this way: 
    1. Peter didn’t understand Jesus (John 13:7). He wanted to, but He didn’t always get what Jesus was saying.

1. Peter was all or nothing (John 13:9). 

Peter wanted to be close to Jesus and in His confidence— to be His confidant the way that John was (John 13:23-26). 

Peter was passionate (John13:37). 

Peter was the first to proclaim that Jesus was the Messiah (in Mark 8:29). He was bold and he was on board!

B. Peter’s theology about the Messiah was pretty accurate according to the rabbinical interpretation of that day- a conquering militant righteous king and deliverer— we see this at Jesus’ arrest when Peter felt it was totally appropriate to swing a sword at someone!

  • However, in John 18:10-11— When Peter drew a sword and chopped a guy’s ear off to keep Jesus from being arrested— we see that his theology was not in line with what Jesus had told Peter about Himself, or what the prophets meant when they depicted the Kingdom of God and the Messiah.
  • He believed Jesus was the Messiah, but what He believed about the Messiah was incorrect. — You and I also, can’t just believe in God we have to believe what God says about Himself.

III.  We also know that:

A. Peter chose to stop short of the cross; he chose to stop short of following Jesus to suffering (John18:15-17). 

B. Did you know John was the only male disciple at the cross because he was the only one who stuck with Jesus the whole way from Gesthemane to the Sanhedrin to the Cross?

  1. The servant girl, in Luke 22, who asked Peter if he was a disciple was asking so that he could go into the Sanhedrin with Jesus and John. 
  2. Peter could have followed Jesus to the cross. Instead he said, no, no, I’m not one of His.

3.   He lied about knowing Jesus so the he did not have to suffer with Jesus. 

C. The faith of my youth was Peter’s to a tee. I wanted the Lord. I was dedicated to all points of spiritual discipline. I wanted God to lead my life. I told a friend recently, “When I was young I was willing to be so weird for Jesus!” 

1. It is often easier to be extreme for Jesus than it is to be faithful to Him.

D. But I had a very immature understanding of Jesus. 

  1. I thought I understood what “Messiah” meant or how the Kingdom worked, but I really did not understand. 
  2. I definitely didn’t understand the Cross— I was eager for God’s Kingdom to advance, but I could not be close to Jesus’ heart until I had come close to suffering, because the Cross is suffering. 

IV.   In Luke 22:31, Jesus tells Peter, “Simon, Simon, behold, Satan has demanded to have you, that he might sift you like wheat…”

A. When I was 23 years old, I suffered a psychotic break. That means that I experienced a complete break from reality with delusions and hallucinations. I was like the crazy people in movies, or the people talking to themselves that you avoid during street ministry. 

B. For a month long period, I was insane. I had an intense mood swing of hyper-activity. I couldn’t sleep. I was talking at lightening speed. And behaved in erratic and irrational ways. I went missing for a brief time. I was not lucid or sane at all during this time. I was forcibly hospitalized and diagnosed with bipolar 1 disorder.  

C. At that time, I did not know anything about mental health or mental illness, neither did my family. It felt like a death sentence. It seemed like this illness was going to destroy my whole future.

D. This experience was very scary. It was embarrassing. It left me feeling deeply insecure about my identity— how could I be useful to God, or to anyone, if my mind could just break at any moment? 

E. The hyper-active “mania” mood swing was followed by a heavy depression. I could not understand why God bothered making me, if He was going to make me so defective. All of my hopes, expectations, and dreams were dashed. The Bible tells us that “hope deferred makes the heart sick,” (Proverbs 13:12). That was true for me.

F. For seven years after my “manic” episode and the psychosis, I could not approach God and I stopped identifying myself as a Christian. I stayed far away from church. Not only did I feel let down by God, but my psychosis had so many spiritual and supernatural elements to it, that I became afraid that if I prayed or read my Bible I would go crazy again— that was a terrible lie of the enemy that I accepted. Fear and disappointment kept me from Jesus for seven years. 

G. This was 7 years of intense sifting. My faith was being sifted…so that it could mature.

V.   Like Peter, when my moment of testing came, the moment to use deeds not words— “I’ll follow you anywhere, Jesus! I’ll be obedient to the point of death!” became: “…but bipolar disorder? No Jesus. I’ll stay out here by the fire… When the servant girl comes to ask if I’m yours, I’ll have to politely deny You. When the servant girl invites me into the Sanhedrin, into Your suffering, I’ll politely decline. Bipolar disorder doesn’t fit into my model of Christian suffering. When the servant girl asks, I’ll say, ‘I can’t go to that cross.’ That cross is too costly! In fact, maybe, Jesus, You’re not the Messiah I thought You were. I’m going to stay outside. I’ve just realized that everything I thought I was sure about, I’m not so sure about.”

A. So instead of following Jesus toward the cross He had for me (like John did), I ran away from my Lord, alone, and weeping bitterly (like Peter did in Matthew 26:75)

B. My diagnosis with a mental illness brought me to a point where Jesus didn’t make sense to me. Like a disciple, I had heard everything He said. I had loved the teachings. I had followed Him around and believed the miracles. 

C. But I could not follow Him to the door that the cross and the resurrection were behind. My own personal “door to the Sanhedrin,” the door that if I went through it, led to my flesh being crucified, where all my self-sufficiency and pride would be brutalized by mental illness.

D. I have often told people that my psychotic break and receiving a life-long diagnosis of bipolar disorder was like experiencing my own death.

E. Would I get to be completely restored by Jesus’ resurrection power? I was too afraid to find out. That was the door I just couldn’t go through with Him. My faith was too immature to allow Jesus to walk me through my mental illness. I thought He abandoned me and that I’d be better off on my own.

VI.  Jesus prophesied over Peter, and I believe this is for me too:

A. He said “Simon, Simon, Satan has demanded to have you and to sift you like wheat, But I have prayed for you that your faith may not fail. And when you have repented and turned again, strengthen your brothers.”  (Luke 22:31 paraphrase.) 

B. If you are being sifted, when you are being sifted, and you think, “I can’t get to the other side of this suffering with Jesus. I can’t go before the court of public opinion and be judged and humiliated, falsely accused and afraid with Jesus. I don’t know that if I stick with Jesus it’ll all turn out ‘alright’ in the end. That’s not a cross I can go to— any cross but this cross, Lord. I must have been wrong, because this does not look like Christian victory. I don’t think this is a Messiah that I can follow…What was my life as a disciple for?”

C. Jesus has prayed for you. (And Jesus’ prayers are always answered!) He has prayed that your faith will not fail. He knows you will “turn again” to Him, and when you have turned again you will strengthen your brothers.

VII.   When Jesus rose from the grave he told the women: “Go tell my disciples AND Peter,” Mark 16:7 (ESV). Other versions says, “Go tell my disciples INCLUDING Peter.” 

  — Either way it is translated, Mark 16:7 tells us two things: 1. Peter had separated himself from the group of disciples. 2. Jesus still had plans for Peter.

  1. He still had plans for me during the 7 years I was in denial. He still has plans for you. Even if its been years that you just couldn’t bear the name of Christ, He still has plans for you as His disciple.

B. In John 12, Jesus tells his disciples: Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

C. And His question to me, His question to you, His question to Peter is “do you love me?” 

D. No matter what has transpired between you and God, all He wants to know is: “Do you love me?” 

1. Pain, disappointment, confusion, shame— these turn many away from following the Lord. But Jesus turns us to Himself again with the gentlest question: Do you love me?

2. Today, I say:

“Yes, Lord, you know I do.”

3. And I hope today that you will also say: “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

VIII. Dave has been giving some wonderful instructions and insight on just how it is that we say that to Jesus. So I’ll turn it back over to him.